Talk Nerdy to Me

January 18, 2017
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Talk Nerdy

Swipe after swipe, my eyes continue to roll with annoyance as with every other woman’s Tinder profile indicates something about either “No hookups” or “sapiosexual”.  When I first heard the term sapiosexual a couple of years ago I thought it was something kinky, perhaps something I didn’t want to know more about. Nonetheless, my curious and daring nature provoked me into looking up what the term actually meant. According to my often trusted and reliable source, Urban Dictionary, a sapiosexual is “one who finds the content’s of someone else’s mind to be their most attractive attribute, above and before their physical characteristics”. Well I am the first to let you know that – I AM NOT ONE OF THESE INDIVIDUALS.

In terms of sexual attraction, I’m naturally drawn to a woman’s appearance, so I might be inclined to consider myself as this totally made up word, pulchrisexual (though intelligence, ambition and confidence are extremely important to me), a moderate contrast from “shallow” which is a personality trait associated with the measure of depth. Meaning that individuals motive is influenced primarily by only caring about surface things such as looks, money, image. Now that we have all the vocabulary words covered, let’s talk about why this self-identification annoys me.

First thing I would like to get off my chest is – where in the heck where all these women when I was in high school or college??? Clearly this desire to form a deep intellectual connection or this arousing attraction to intelligence must sprout somewhere after the age of 22 years old. I was a nerd growing up (still am, just with a little swagger now), and if my intellect was then my most attractive attribute, then it certainly shouldn’t have been that difficult to find a date for prom, or perhaps I wouldn’t have been such a late bloomer.

I love a mind stimulating conversation just as much as anyone. The measure of a good conversation is the value gained, perspectives, ideologies, and allowances for you to discuss your thoughts to another person in a rather vulnerable manner, subjected to consensus, debate, or intense rejection of concept and thought. But this exchange is bilateral, meaning it requires both people to add value to the conversation. So if you the objective is to engage someone in an intellectual mind-blowing conversation, please make sure that your conversation opener isn’t a request for me to take you to Red Lobsters (yes, with the “s” at the end of Lobster).

I’ve had some amazing conversations with women who had no such thing on their Tinder profile. I guess it’s one of those things where you don’t have to vocalize what should be quickly discovered. For example, a man doesn’t need to reiterate that he is a man, through observation – a woman will be able to see through his actions if he exudes characteristics of what a real man is, or if he falls short based on his lack of notable characteristics.

I guess there is an increase of how many women prefer a man to talk “nerdy” to them as opposed to talking “dirty” to them. Though I can do both, the latter is just blatantly unnatural and uncomfortable me (sober), but the former is right up my alley. Just as with any skill, it takes practice. Here are a few ways you can practice or equip yourself to talk nerdy to a woman:

  • Read Challenging, Interesting Books on Topics That You Enjoy
      • Reading is more than fundamental, it’s the lining that separates individuals who are conscious and those who are unaware. It’s so easy to “read” even if its not reading at all. My technology dependence had created an environment in which I keep a rather expansive Audible library.
  • Listen to Podcasts
  • Learn a Different Foreign Language
      • I’ve been trying to learn French, and Spanish; adding Latin (‘sapien’ is Latin for wise; ‘pulcher’ is Latin for handsome, beautiful, and fine) German to the list.
  • Travel to New Countries
      • You can learn so much about different cultures, practice the new language you just learned, and most importantly you can learn about yourself. I’ve learned so much about myself during the times I studied abroad in France and Germany.
  • Debate With Friends
    • I used to debate with a good friend of mine, Kira all the time when we were fresh in our careers about topics ranging from politics, race, relationships – you know all the touchy subjects, and we would get so fired up where we had to take a walk before returning. The thing that I enjoyed about these types of conversations is that we would both respectfully obtain new perspectives and insights, which allowed us to see issues through a different set of lens. Which created such a rich experience and dynamic.

So if you are more attracted to a person’s intellect, and I’m more attracted to the physical appearance, does that mean we going out, or nah?

Maybe in a future post, I’ll talk about my thoughts on “No Hookups.”