THE SECRET TO THE PERFECT FIRST DATE: PART I

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If I Was Nice This Year, This Is What I Would Have Wanted
December 21, 2016
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THE SECRET TO THE PERFECT FIRST DATE: PART II
January 18, 2017
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People seem to have strange misconceptions about time. As in, people seem to believe that the more time they spend doing something, the more value they’ll get out of it.

People believe this so strongly that it’s actually a taboo in many circles to go too fast. If your emails are too brief, you might get called rude. Likewise your phone calls: If you don’t put in ample time, some people will wonder what your big hurry is. When it comes to getting actual WORK done, this taboo takes on new heights. Many will become suspicious when you deliver a project too fast. They’ll wonder if you were careful enough. They’ll wonder, in other words, if you really, truly CARED.

But in today’s post, I’m here to take a swing at this taboo. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with speed. Sure, sometimes we can end up rushing, and not be as present, conscious, or caring as we could be. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that going fast is a bad thing.

I’m going to explain the value of limiting your time frame when it comes to going on a first date.

Now, let’s get something out of the way right at the top: I’m not about to say that a first date should be all about rushing to romance. Nope, not even close. So let’s step away from that particular idea altogether.

What I am saying is that a first date should not constitute an excessive commitment of time. It seems like many people have the understanding that in order to do a first date “right,” you really have to go for it. You have string a bunch of events together, and make a whole evening out of it, pouring in as much value as possible. Well, I’d like to politely offer that that’s ridiculous.

For what is a date but an exploration of value? Sorry for couching it in such business-like terms, but it’s true. To go even blunter here: Each party on a date is checking out the merchandise. It doesn’t take four or six or nine hours to do so. In fact, it probably takes an hour at most.

First dates should be planned within limited time frames, with not only strict starting points, but strict end points, too. Lunch breaks are a perfect forum for this. Both of you, or at least one of you, will have to get going at a set time. All good! Not personal! And the best part is: The limited time frame allows you to conduct a strong value assessment. Did you like what you saw? Like what you heard? Do you want more? Did you want less? Believe me: It doesn’t take a lot of TIME to answer such questions, presuming you truly tune in and listen to yourself.

Don’t be wishy-washy. Know and be able to identify what you want. If it’s not a big yes, it’s a hell no! In other words, if you’re on the fence about somebody, you’re probably actually leaning toward no. Rarely will your opinion – let alone your FEELING – improve by peeling back more layers of the onion. The truth is right there, staring in your face.

In the next post, I’m going to share with you what my ideal first date actually looks like.