In my last post, I talked about why it’s wise to handle first dates quickly. I didn’t lay out some case for speed-dating, where you assess the other person inside of two minutes, but I leaned into a variation on the same general concept: Namely that human beings can size each other up pretty quick.
Indeed, we can do ALL KINDS OF THINGS pretty quick, but I’ll get back to that topic some other time.For now, let’s go from concept to example, and talk about what my perfect first date actually LOOKS LIKE.
Here’s what I don’t do: Dinner and movie? Nope. Live Frank Sinatra cover artist? No way. Holding hands on the pier, followed by a picnic beach? Are you kidding me?
Here’s what I do: Starbucks or Cold Stone. If I haven’t had dinner yet, maybe I’ll go in for a Happy Hour with you.
Do I do this because I’m cheap? Do I do this because I lack imagination? Of course not! I play it this way because I DON’T KNOW IF I REALLY LIKE YOU. And what if I don’t? Or what if you don’t like me? Wouldn’t two hours under such circumstances be, um, torture?
On the flip side, how great would it be to set a limited time frame of an hour or so, and then really hit it off? We’ll be dying to plan the next one! Or if things are REALLY clicking, we can of course extend the date right there on the spot. Nobody’s saying we can’t do that. I just think it’s best to start off conservative in these cases.
Also, a word to the wise: use some caution when it comes to online dating sites. From my personal experience, they can be hit or miss. I mean, I’ve had some wonderful online dating experiences – and even know of people who’ve met their soul mates online – but then again, please remind me to share with you that time when I got trolled on a date. The young lady ensnared me in some debate about God-knows-what for God-knows-what reason. I actually slipped over to the waitress and closed the night out prematurely (not for me, but for my date) and wished the lady a lovely evening.
In fact, when I get right down to it, I have to say my first dates are more like first chats than first dates. We’re just dipping our toes in the water. We don’t waste time. We don’t waste money. And best of all, we don’t waste energy. Much of the time, although an hour’s a decent target length, I’ll only put in 15 to 30 minutes. Why not?
If things click, you can bet I’ll upgrade. But I frankly don’t think major upfront generosity is a healthy starting point for any relationship. In other words, you can be giving, you can be kind, you can be pleasant – but don’t overdo it. First get a true sense of the value you’re investing in. Think of it this way: If you find out you like her, and you go on to put more time, money, and energy into spending time with her, isn’t that like the ULTIMATE compliment you can pay her? It positions you as a guy whose affections don’t come cheap.
In other words, a guy who’s actually worth dating.